What’s your excuse for staying abroad?

This post is solely dedicated to people who like me, live abroad, away from our India. This is not an advice post. Nor a suggestive post. It’s something that always keeps me wondering – why do we all live abroad and say we miss India but just don’t return to our homeland?

I mean, all of us have our heart in one place but our body somewhere else. Just like a person finds it difficult to forget their first love, we can never forget memories of our homeland, but we still tread on, hoping at some point we will come back for good. We all wait for something to happen to make us bid adieu to this foreign country. But what’s that something…that’s what I thought I will explore here.

You see, each of us would have had different reasons for entering an alien country, but ask a person why he/she hasn’t returned home yet, their reasons will most likely be the same. Crazy right? Read on, and see if your excuse for staying abroad is one of the many below. If not, you my friend do have to let me know what your reason is! Because, you might be a rare phenomenon 🙂

1. Color me Green!

Of course, the Green Card (GC). The most awaited card of all times by people living in US. The thing is, most Indians in US would either be midway in their GC processing, or probably getting all ready to apply for GC. Either way, in their mind, it makes no sense for them to leave US without getting their GC processed fully. So they remain stoic, year after year, waiting forever to get their card. Frankly, I am not sure I know what use a GC would serve once we return to India…except for possibly saving a stamping trip?

2. Family politics

Some people know they have the worst in-laws on the planet and hence feel it’s better to stay away from India. They prefer to suffer alone on some days, than be together in the same town and be miserable every single day. So yeah, the easiest route to freedom – stay abroad.

3. Oh no, Traffic..!

Oh yes, that’s an excuse. Some people get so used to whizzing by in their cars abroad, that they get easily flustered by the traffic in India. It gives them jitters to even think they have to wake up early to beat the morning traffic to work! “See, that’s why I like abroad better, I can wake up late but still get to office on time”, you are sure to hear them say!

4. A 9 to 9 job, never!

Work culture abroad is definitely different from India, everyone would agree to that. When you are working amongst a group of people belonging to different nationalities, there is less job politics and more fun involved. So people fall head over heels in love with this 9 to 5 job culture, that they dread going back to their home country where they have to work quite possibly on weekends too(shudder!). Agreed, job politics sucks, but in India, team mates might actually build a stronger bond of friendship, what with almost everyone speaking the same tongue and actually getting your dumb movie jokes. You win some, you lose some.

5. Pollution

Believe it or not, some people actually give this out as a reason. They like this clean “abroad air” so much, that the air in India is not really to their liking. “I get sick whenever I am there”, would be their excuse. Well, not sure what to add to this..

6. When kids turn 5

Ah, families with kids. Sometimes it makes you wonder whether they have split personalities. You see, at times they are very confident that abroad is much better for raising independent kids, and other times they feel 100% certain India is THE country for raising well mannered kids. So not sure what to do, they settle in between. They console themselves saying that they are going to stay till their kid turns 5 or 6, and then they will go to India. Because, you see, after the kids turn 5, they can easily be “spoilt” by everything abroad. Don’t ask me whether they wouldn’t get spoilt when they are younger..probably they are magic years, I don’t know.

7. Who’s first now?!?

Again, when it comes to raising kids, parents think India is a competitive place in terms of schooling. In India, they feel people compare their kid with their relative’s kids, their neighbor’s kids, their friends’ kids, probably every other kid they come across. They feel it’s not likely so, when they live away from India. True to some sense, because you do get to meet different types of kids abroad. It has it’s own set of positives and negatives.

8. Partner likes, other stays

Then there are these people who would go back to India in a second, if only they were given a choice. But their stopping block would be their partner. Their partner might love abroad so much, so all they can do is grind their teeth and bear with the misery year after year. They have no choice, because they are stuck between the two worlds they love – the love-world with their partner and kids, and their home-world enjoying with everyone in India. They keep waiting for a magic to happen, which would make their partner suddenly change their mind about abroad life and return home. So it all comes down to how much sacrifice one is willing to make for the other.

9. Bitten by the health bug

I have to say, when one lives abroad for some time, they would definitely get taken by the medical facilities available there. Specialized doctors are there for diseases that we don’t even know exists in the world! It’s true, abroad is a boon for people who are in need of serious medical treatment of any kind.  “Patients are actually seen on their appointment time and not an hour later, you know”, they would state excitedly. So yes, bidding farewell to all that – tough man!

10. Those who just love abroad

And there are these people who simply love everything a foreign country has to offer and don’t want to return. They love the easy life, the different cuisines, luxuries that comes with abroad life, and most of all – independent life and free weekends. Wearing what they love and doing what they wanna do, without being judgedthat’s something they all hate to surrender. They do miss their family, but I think they might work something out and make it possible for every one of them to stay together, abroad. Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants!

So these are some of the most commonly heard reasons for staying abroad and not returning to India. It’s unfortunate we Indians abroad, say we love India so much but just not enough to make a bold choice to return to India for good. We know in our hearts we will always be aliens when we are in another country. Each of us have our own valid reasons, our own stopping block to stay abroad, but at some point, we will all run out of excuses and have to make a decision. I can only hope it happens sooner than later for everyone, me included.

All my friends, know what my excuse is, but what’s your excuse for staying abroad? Is it one of the many above? Oh and my heartiest wishes if you have decided to return to India for good! 🙂

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Jibber jabber:

padhs2k Written by:

Another dream-chaser.

83 Comments

  1. “What’s your ‘excuse’ for staying abroad??” Why would I need an excuse? It is a choice someone makes based on their priorities in life. Simple as that. If our parents need us or are going to be unwell, we will of course be there for them. Apart from that, we enjoy staying abroad because we don’t have to explain every action of ours, every expense or be scrutinized all the time and have to give justifications to do what we choose to do on an everyday basis.

    • padhs2k
      August 27
      Reply

      Hey, no offense intended! And yes, we don’t have to explain ourselves every single time to every single person, when we are abroad. Freedom is what we can get in plenty when we are abroad, and we all love that here, don’t we? But I do miss India, and this post was reflecting just that. I call it excuses because in my mind, these are all excuses we give for not returning back to the country we were born and spent at least quarter to our life, in. Others prefer to call them as reasons. Anyway. Ultimately it’s your choice and there’s nothing wrong in that!

  2. Raj
    August 26
    Reply

    I would rather live in many countries than one or two.. Just for the love of traveling, experiencing new things in life, meeting new people, enjoying different lifestyles..That’s my excuse..

    • padhs2k
      August 27
      Reply

      Living in many countries..that sounds exciting. This is for you, from Dr.Seuss –

      “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

      Good luck! Let’s see if we cross paths in India 🙂

  3. August 26
    Reply

    A very valid post! I guess this is a dilemma/decision making faced by many who live abroad and if that wasn’t their choice or plan . I am one of those who wanted to move away for good and have never thought of going back since. I don’t know what future has in store for me but I do hope I don’t find such excuses to justify my stay.

    • padhs2k
      August 27
      Reply

      True that! Many Indians abroad do have these thoughts running in their head. Since they have 2 choices, they have to weigh down the pros and cons for both. But what if the pros and cons were equal in number, for some? That’s when they decide based on what their heart wants. And it’s never the same for everyone! Glad to see you here Janani 🙂

  4. Swetha
    August 26
    Reply

    Have u found a reason why people from small town in India move to metro city and almost settle there for long? But still deep down, they always think their home town is best, but yet they are never ready to move back. This is nothing to do with being in US or ABOARD for that matter!..

    • Anonymous
      August 26
      Reply

      Totally agree! Good analogy. Living abroad and love for your motherland are 2 different things…

    • padhs2k
      August 27
      Reply

      Yeah, people move to different cities within India too, but they can pay a visit to whatever place they want to, whenever they want, if they are in India. Being amongst Indians or around family members, is definitely a much better feeling than being amongst other country men. Oh btw I have studied and worked with wonderful Americans, no complaints there, but the heart of many always yearns for a native language friend.

  5. Anonymous
    August 26
    Reply

    Money never made it to the list surprisingly

    • padhs2k
      August 27
      Reply

      Haha. Because you see, most people who live abroad are never be able to save as much money as people in India think they save 😉
      You should have left your name Anonymous! 🙂

      • Anonymous
        August 27
        Reply

        I live abroad because my industry in India is
        1) Too tiny
        2) Does not offer prospective for growth

        And the money is good abroad plus I get to change countries I live in as I please. Oh btw, I live in Indonesia, a developing country just like India and work in Myanmar, a not so developed country.

        So which one of the excuses you stated are applicable to me? 🙂

        • padhs2k
          September 1
          Reply

          Hmm..I think you might fall under #10 :). See, I don’t know what you do, but perhaps you might have got a job within India (there are 29 states there, you know ;)) if you had searched hard. But perhaps you had got a job outside India within a quick period of time, and have chosen to stay there. How is Indonesia btw…I have always been curious.

  6. Nirvana
    August 26
    Reply

    To my observation, Most of the Indians I have seen in USA for GC are from towns or smaller cities. They love this place because they do not have that infrastructure back to their home town.
    People from Mumbai, Pune, Hyderabad have good infrastructure and developed cities so they would stay here for short term and return back.

    • padhs2k
      August 27
      Reply

      I can only wish you were right Nirvana. It might apply to some, not all others. Some just love everything abroad has to offer, especially the independent life, and it’s hard for them to give it back. But again, there are others who plan to go back to India after a particular number of years, and they definitely do so. I guess it all depends on their priorities. What do you think?

  7. Reshmi
    August 26
    Reply

    I agree with you, Nirvana…

  8. Ananth
    August 26
    Reply

    The article can be titled as “What’s your excuse for staying in the US?”…. 🙂

    • padhs2k
      August 27
      Reply

      Heyyyy..you may have a point Ananth! I did mention GC as #1 point, but how about the rest? I think they are common to everyone abroad. What do you think? Come on, do let me know! 🙂

  9. Nidhi
    August 26
    Reply

    Sometimes, there are medical reasons to stay abroad as well. The medical
    Facilities abroad is much better than that in India. My son has Type 1 diabetes and I am amazed at how little care is available in India

    • padhs2k
      August 27
      Reply

      You are right Nidhi. Medical facilities are much better abroad. I guess I was thinking about an average person who comes to US when I wrote the post. I take my readers’ comments seriously, so I am gonna modify the post and add your point. I sincerely hope your son is doing well with treatments here.

  10. August 26
    Reply

    why should we discuss reasons on this article. just because you dont see pollution as concern doesnt mean others are wrong. i mean everyone has a special situation / reason which you fully dont understand. For e.g. ppl using reason/excuse 2 might ridicule ppl who use reason/excuse 3 and vice-versa. It is more like what is your excuse on writing about india/NRI/Moving back . 1. facebook like 2. Troll 3. Self pity ?

    • padhs2k
      August 27
      Reply

      How about 4.because I like to write? And btw, no one is ridiculing another. I was stating the reasons which people normally give for not returning to India, after staying abroad for some years. You think all those people who live abroad love it there? Nope. Most of them always question themselves on whether the decision they made was the right choice or not. This article just explores people’s mind. My question to you is – why did it offend you? I am curious to know. 🙂

  11. sushmita
    August 26
    Reply

    The article never mentions the civic amenities. I live in Singapore, its a boring country, no doubt. But every detail of living through the challenges of civilised life has been thought through. You get your singpass number in 2 mins flat , do ure tax in 5 mins, and host of others. In my view most people may give ‘excuses’ but the real reason is the ease of life!!.

    • padhs2k
      August 27
      Reply

      True that! Ease of life is important to all. I guess I thought my last point embraced that idea, but you are right, it should be there! I am going to edit it based on your comments Sushmita! I appreciate your honest feedback 🙂

  12. Lavanya
    August 26
    Reply

    Other popular reasons are also :
    1) Corruption and the desire not to bring kids in corrupt and intimidating environment.
    2) caste reservations: This is pretty genuine concern. The forward caste kids in India ar enow facing much increased competition to get into elite schools thanks to reservation system. This was not such a problem 15-20 years ago. So why put kids through such kind of discrimination?
    3) Less social pressure on what to wear, what to drive, where to eat, what kind of house to live in. My friends and family in US can care a damn about any of these and I enjoy that freedom
    4) Less Judgemental: No body here judges me on my career choices, my llife style or my attitude. If they do, then I keep away from such people. This is one of the reasons why i “ran” away from my homeland and made US my new home.

    I knew in my mind that I wasn’t going back to India for good almost an year of stay here. Some of the reasons are mentioned in your blog and some are mentioned above by me. Irrespective of what the reason is, I have always been vocal about my choice and decision unlike others who have double standards to admit their decisions. Such people are still living for others and not for themselves.

    Who has seen tomorrow, live life happily today – That is my mantra.

    • Nina
      August 27
      Reply

      I don’t have excuses, I just made the choice. And, in my opinion, if you love your country so much, do something for your country. Showing you are very patriotic and criticizing others who left your country doesn’t really prove you are loyal to your country. Some people just like the way life is around here. Agree we are treated like aliens, but this is only on paper for immigration related documents. Otherwise, people here are more friendly and social, if someone has an accident on road, people don’t crowd around and watch, they do something about it and within no time there is help. There are so many like this I can say about India, it’s not about the country, it’s the people in the country. They never stand in line, they always want to push and go ahead. And not to mention the bribes and all the stupid political drama, as an example you can watch one of Arnab’s hosted debates, it looks so silly and childish and I have seen some American TV show where they show a clip of this and laugh at it, mainly because it’s not professional it looks like a bunch of kids fighting. If India was more developed than UK or US, let’s see how many people will leave the country and come to abroad!

      • padhs2k
        August 30
        Reply

        Yes, it’s your choice always, no one said otherwise :). And I wasn’t criticizing “others” I was pointing out what exists in an average Indian’s mind when they stay abroad. And hey, this was never to show I am patriotic, and if I wanted to show patriotism, I would have shown it in other forms.

        As you stated some people like it abroad, and the reasons are exactly what I was trying to explore. When people meet with an accident abroad, the people are not allowed to crowd around and watch. It’s the law. People are scared of the law, and the “fine” they have to pay. They have so money to afford the big roads to get the ambulance in time to help. I do wish they could do this in India to develop the roads better, but they are trying.

        There are so many negatives we can say to abroad life too – like drug usage, violence, sexual abuse etc., but we carry on life abroad quietly. And have you ever seen all the stupid, mind numbing TV shows that America hosts? If people do a clip of that in India, everyone would have a hearty laugh as well.

        As for the people in the country you say..never generalize. You try to be change what you want to see. US or UK or NZ, are already developed countries. You shouldn’t expect the amenities or people’s behavior there, in a developing country like India. It’s like expecting your 5year old kid to behave like a 30year old!! It’s not possible. If all H1Bs return to India, then you would know what actually helped abroad’s growth.

    • padhs2k
      August 30
      Reply

      1. People do give Corruption as an excuse. But corruption exists abroad too, on higher levels. I think the average public in India are affected more by bribery than by corruption in their day to day life. And this isn’t present abroad, I agree. But abroad has lots of drug and gun issues, and people are willing to raise their kids there, teaching them what’s right and wrong. They “could” do a similar thing, raising their kids in India, not giving in to bribery.

      2. As for caste reservation – I agree to disagree on your views! 15-20 years ago, caste reservation was still present. People did get seats then too. It’s just that more from backward classes are coming up and are studying, there is more competition now. Discrimination between forward and backward classes was present for ages. To make them as equals, we have reservation system. Not all people belonging to FC are intelligent ones, and not all people from BCs/SCs/STs are dumb ones :). Do read http://cupofguilt.com/avoiding-the-caste-based-identity-with-a-mask/. And abroad has it’s fair share of reservation system too, people are discriminated by their color (not by all, but definitely exists as you must be aware). And abroad has it’s own set of laws to make everyone equal.

      3. True that. Less social pressure abroad. Sometimes I wonder whether it’s because we don’t really know anyone when we go outside, and hence don’t care of their impression, what do you think? We stick to only our friends abroad, and our friends know us well.

      4. Hmmm..based on what you said, if we can stay away from judgmental people abroad, why can’t we do the same in India as well? Do you think people, whose comments bothers us in India, are actually our near and far relatives, and there is no way of escaping them except to “run” away abroad? Just wondering out loud here…!

      I do like the mantra though, keep rocking!

  13. Sandeep
    August 26
    Reply

    most stupid article ever

  14. Anonymous
    August 27
    Reply

    You had missed out about 90 % of people staying abroad only for making money for their family

  15. August 27
    Reply

    Well said by Lavanya above and the medical reasons by Nidhi is another reason which applies in many cases. Our son is autistic and I found there are more resources to help him in the US than in India.

    But more to the point, after having lived a nomadic existence within the US, thanks to my job, I have lost the concept of home. I grew up in Mumbai but am not nostalgic about it nor of the many places that I have lived. For me, home is where I live at that point in time.

    I do not long to go back to Mumbai and I try not to worry too much about the future. Live the moment ! Live in the present wherever you are and enjoy!

    • padhs2k
      September 1
      Reply

      I love Dr.Seuss, and this is for you 🙂
      “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

  16. Anonymous
    August 27
    Reply

    I think this is a very good article but I think it misses some excuses.

    Definitely forgot the excuse of taking jobs and our country’s money and shipping it back to your families in your motherland. Also, the excuse of being able to use your names on your luxury vehicle license plates purchased from the money you got from jobs that should be going to citizens.
    I know how tough immigration has become, but for the reason listed above (economically), immigration needs to be even tougher or Desi people need to learn to play ball and assimilate into the culture abroad before creating more ABCDs, hoarding money, and/or shipping money back to India. There’s a reason why the Indian economy is the way it is. Think twice before you try to haggle or get something for free from an American-based business.

  17. Anonymus
    August 27
    Reply

    I dont agree with Nirvana.Why do you think people from rural areas in India who came abroad want to stay there forever because of the less infrastructure?This was the most generalised comment …..I have seen lots of people including me who r from the urban developed cities in India but stll want to stay abroad…..infact i have tried moving back to india for 3 years but still came back abroad.Everybody has their own reason .We have to weigh the compromises we need do when we make our choice ( of staying in homeland or away )..

  18. Anonymous
    August 27
    Reply

    Pretty lame article. Very narrow minded and author thinks US is abroad.

  19. Anonymous
    August 27
    Reply

    For the author abroad is US!

  20. August 27
    Reply

    I guess my excuse is #8, although not fully. I studied in Australia for 2 years and came back to India. Then I moved to the US in 2000, met and and married an American man. We always talked about living somewhere else in the world, somewhere midway between the US and India. We have 2 children, 6 yr old boy and 10 year old girl. I got my GC two years after marriage but didn’t apply for citizenship. I love India so much that just the principle of taking an oath that my allegiance is to the US is abhorrent to me. Three years ago, both my husband and I decided to move to India for 5-10 years to look after my aging parents. I moved first and then we spent 3 years trying to get him a job in India. He is an IT guy, but still he couldn’t get a job because no one there wanted to believe that an American would want to move there. Most of the interviews he attended there only asked him how/why he wants to move to India in a very skeptical manner. I loved being back in India and I voluntarily surrendered my GC after my first year there. But after 3 years of job hunting, we couldn’t keep our family separated anymore (my husband had to stay in his job in the US), so with a very heavy heart I am back in the US. Maybe if I had married an Indian man, I could have successfully moved back. But you don’t choose who you fall in love with.
    Unlike most people, I believe that life is easier in India than in the US. You have more family and neighborhood support, more domestic help and don’t feel like a 2nd class citizen. I can live forever giving up the so-called ‘luxuries’ of the US but I have to return to India at least once in 2 years because I can never give India up. I am glad that at least my children got to spend 3 years of their childhood there. I am hoping that someday my husband and I will at least be able retire in India.

    • padhs2k
      September 1
      Reply

      Ambuja..I am sorry you had to go through all this..but believe me, don’t think if you had married an Indian man you might have moved to India easily. I am facing problem #8 and I have married an Indian guy, so you see how it is. My heart always wants India and I too “have to” stay here because I hate separating my family. I don’t want my kid and myself to be in one place and my husband in another. I wish there was an easy way out for people like us.. what could be done?

  21. AAryan (श्री)
    August 27
    Reply

    For me it is “incentive” which keeps me abroad. Yes, I miss India too, similar to my colleagues who miss their country (except those who are from fundamentalist country), …for my sweet memories of childhood and the fun I had in India.

    • padhs2k
      September 1
      Reply

      🙂 Sweet memories that can never be got back right..? I know. Yeah, there are many from different countries who stay abroad, miss their homeland but aren’t able to go back. They all hand tight to memories just like us. What a life, right?

  22. USAPatriot
    August 27
    Reply

    Sorry I don’t miss India…I always wanted to get out of that stupid country. It’s so corrupt and Indians are the most selfish. I always dreamed of USA and will become a citizen and fight in the armed forces gladly. Americans on an average are better than indians.

    Your post is a self righteous blab to make you feel less guilty.and is typical indian mentality where you won’t do what you want or rather don’t have the guts to stick a stake in the sand ..please leave my country usa and go back ! Oh yeah the Govt there is already making it USA !!!!

    • padhs2k
      September 1
      Reply

      Hmm, I wish people would know how many brilliant brains India has produced, who US has allured with it’s visas. One can only imagine how a person’s character is when he calls an entire country as stupid. I have nothing else to say to you.

      • USAPatriot
        September 1
        Reply

        You really crack me up, I mean no disrespect. Out of a billion in India tell me how many brilliant people has India produced ? lets talk ratios, we are a billion people, and we still believe we are all the result of immaculate conception.

      • AS
        September 1
        Reply

        This is like saying “I wish people realized how many brilliant brains Germany produced”. Modern day sky scrapers, rockets that could propel people to the moon, the atomic bomb to name a few were all thanks to Hitler because he alienated the brightest minds of the world during the war and all these guys moved to the US.

        There are plenty of brilliant people in the world. Its what you do with them that matters. You can’t take credit for what you did not contribute to.

        Nobel prize winner Dr. Venkatraman once said “Nationality is just an accident of birth”. That speaks volumes about how India treats its people.

        PS: BTW, we have not produced that many “brilliant minds” in the world. We have produced quite a few but they look abysmal when compared against most developed nations in the world.

        • padhs2k
          September 1
          Reply

          Who is taking credit for what?? If you didn’t realize it, I am speaking about the average Indian here. I am brilliant, and many of my Indian friends who are working in an alien country are brilliant. I am speaking about every single person who is working hard abroad on their working visa in different parts of the world. They, my friend, are all brilliant people in my eyes. Reg. US, it takes the brilliant minds from all over the world and lures them with money. It needs them. That’s all.

          • USAPatriot
            September 2

            Sorry !! I will not agree that just because you are here in US you are brilliant. In my experience 50% – 75% of the Indian H1Bs will not be able to compete with their american counterparts, if it became a level playing field.

            I know we are going on a tangent, but I have seen blatant visa abuse and fake experiences, which pains me a lot. An average american is honest and hardworking.and he is cheated of his livelihood, just because some desi consulting company is in place to do contract work, and the american company does not hire FTEs.

            I have personally had so many people walk up to me to give fake recommendation, because of my position which I promptly denied.

            The law is soon going to catch up and boot out all these desi consulting companies. .

            I have some very talented indian H1Bs that I know and I do salute them for all they do.

            But based on the way you are talking, I am convinced now that you are genuinely not in touch with the facts. So I am fine with that .

          • padhs2k
            September 5

            I am aware of the consulting companies and what they do. Even in that consulting company, there do exist intelligent guys/gals who hate their company, but still stick with them until they get their GC processed. I have worked with such people in my American company, if you must know. And there are people who choose to come out of such companies and get their H1 processing done directly from American companies, even if they have to jump the same loops.

            As for the American counterparts, I have studied and worked with many of them. Some are brilliant and some are just not. Just like with Indians. Some have their basics strong, some just carry on with the talk. I would never say all Indians won’t be able to compete with their American counterparts! I did, I know many people who are strong in their area, and looks like you are doing well yourself. If an American company felt an Indian was dumb, why would they even offer him a job when they have so many Americans who are applying for the same position? Budget may be important but not to extent of damaging their project delivery for every company.
            Just don’t look at one person and make your assumption about everyone else.

  23. Varma
    August 28
    Reply

    @Nirvana, I don’t agree with you. I have so many friends from Hyd, Mumbai who die to stay back in US

    USAPatriot
    You sound very funny. I agree it is very corrupt but Indians are no way selfish. Just ask a question yourself did any of your American friend ever paid for you food when you go out for lunch or dinner? If you are sick your american friends will not come close to you with a fear that they will catch it..
    If you are in serious medical trouble and your insurance does not cover it you will realize the value of your country.
    Be proud to be an Indian. Jai Hind.

    • USAPatriot
      August 28
      Reply

      Mr.Varma.. Like begets like, maybe you have not yet assimilated into this great american culture, but still hold on to your crazy Indianisms. I have mingled extremely well with my American counterparts, and if you want to believe some of my best friends here are Americans.

      Yes, they often pay for my restaurant tabs, Oh yes, if I ever call them that I need to go to the ER, I am sure they will come at the drop of a hat. BTW before my american friend comes to take me to the ER, the 911 and ambulance will be here. is that the case in India ?

      Even in India if you dont have insurance you are in deep trouble, if anyone has to foot a huge medical bill. The only question is with my current skillset where am I equipped to live better, and it is not India sorry. yes within the next 5 years India will be USA.

      Make some effort to assimilate the culture here, all the way from the accent to the way people think etc. You surely will be welcomed with both hands, or keep tying back to your own Indian ways, and be a Pariah and form your Indian clique.

      Oh yeah the day 1 USD = 1 INR, I want to see how many still stay here. So lets stop the hypocrisy, I did come to USA to have a better monetary standing, but thats just 20% of the equation.

      I would still stay here and not go back to India at all, and in all these years, I never missed India once… I dread the times I think I have to go back, if I lose my job !!

      • padhs2k
        August 31
        Reply

        I guess I have not assimilated the “great” American culture, and I am glad I haven’t actually. And one shouldn’t change oneself to be welcomed by anyone. Others should accept you for whoever you are, like you accept them for whoever they are.

        Anyway, it’s definitely one’s own choice to live wherever they want to Mr.USAPatriot. Btw people love India for who she is and many Indians are returning there after spending some time abroad. Not everyone is after US money.

        That said, I do wonder what US would do when their H1B geniuses from all over the world decide to return to their respective countries.

        • USAPatriot
          September 1
          Reply

          You hit the nail on the head, when all the H1Bs go home, real americans will have jobs. Real qualified americans !! Now please dont get me started on how qualified Indian H1Bs are, as I have seen firsthand how much of quality there is, and what kind of fake experience they mention. Dont get me started on the malpractices Indian ChopShops like Infosys do !!

          American Companies hire desi contracting companies because, when a job is done as a contract it gives them tax benefit, since its accounted as capital expenditure, thats it period. Yes, american greed is part of the equation too.

          So please dont brag about the golden guilded H1Bs you are sending.

          • padhs2k
            September 1

            Wow, you get personally offended when people badmouth US! That…is definitely something.

          • USAPatriot
            September 2

            Well frankly I am not offended. I respect Indian culture, but when I am abroad I learn to assimilate and mingle too. I respect other cultures, and dont try to restrict myself.

            When you are an alien, its you who has to build the relationships and come across as open embracing other cultures. This is the feedback I got from all my american friends where they appreciated my open mindedness, and my curiosity to understand their point of view, their customs etc.

            I generally take the best of both worlds, each culture has its bad sides, and American culture is not an exception. But the way you quoted “great” and mentioned you are not part of it, does tick me off.

            That was my only point, if you dont like it we could all go back. Maybe you are different.

  24. IDC
    August 28
    Reply

    Well, I am one who has returned to India for good and won’t like to be staying abroad for longer then 2 weeks. If job needs, some small trips and some extra bucks is good 🙂 But I feel, my friends who are staying abroad and sending money to India are doing a whole good to the country. They do lessen our population burden and by this I mean no offence or prank. If all Indian staying abroad come back, then we will have huge problems. Staying abroad have changed their lifestyle and they will consume 4 times more then normal Indian would do. And population of Indian staying abroad may be more then population of many country. They will also do good for society with new thoughts from abroad as well but here, I a focusing on them doing good by staying abroad. And sending precious forex to India! That’s so precious. Getting back our money which were transferred to countries like UK for over 200 years. So, if some of them are not sending, I will urge them to send regularly to India. Even if it’s small in amount. Please ad these two reasons to your list.

    • padhs2k
      September 1
      Reply

      Haha, helping to lessen population – that’s a different way of looking at this.
      And I agree, staying abroad most of the times would change a person’s lifestyle. They would try to be more independent, artsy and carefree. You have a positive outlook to life, I appreciate it :). And I am happy to know you have returned to India for good, yay for you!!

  25. USAPatriot
    August 28
    Reply

    @IDC

    Dont go by history and keep griping. That was a time when it was the right thing to do, to invade countries, and at that point India was free to invade others too. But our own kings had so much infighting that foreigners took advantage of it.

    So today imperialism does not exist so lets not keep talking about what happened in the past, when it was the order of the day

  26. AS
    August 29
    Reply

    For me, I have a reason for staying abroad which is not listed here: The future.

    I am convinced that India does not have a future where every Indian citizen is a top priority to the nation. This is the biggest difference I see between India and other developed nations. We flock to countries like US because, despite being aliens, we are treated better than the way our country treats us. When politicians swindle tens of thousands of crores of money from tax payers for personal gains, its an indication that they don’t care about their people. When a train collapses into a river because of a faulty bridge construction because these scumbags cut corners, its a way of saying 1000 lives mean nothing to them.

    Sure, there will be 8% GDP growth, foreign investment etc. but it wont translated to anything that is meaningful for the people of this country: Better environment, better living conditions, better infrastructure. I don’t care if currently situation is bad as long as I see a future where the situation will be great and/or I see an honest effort that is heading in that direction. I neither see a future nor the effort in that direction.

    Many have said that I should be a part of the system to solve the problems if I really cared so much about it. My response to that question is: Why should I when no one cares about it? What is the incentive for me to do that? Will there be co-operation from the politicians to reform India? Will there be honest attempts made to fix our conditions? Will there be a fair judicial system that gives justice in time and treats all people the same irrespective of their status in society? Will there be a government that treats everyone the same and stops pandering to religious groups?

    Traffic, 9to9 job and pollutions are silly reasons to stay away from your loves ones and your homeland. Deep down, there are much bigger reasons why people emigrate to other countries.

    • padhs2k
      September 1
      Reply

      Right. And there are people who just complain and complain without thinking where they spent their first quarter of their life. They need an “incentive” to do anything. My question to you – do you know that honest attempts are not being made to fix conditions there? What do you expect – Indian to turn to America overnight? And by the way, do you even know the judicial system abroad? Do you know how many people have been killed by a normal person based on their racial views? And do you know how easily people carry guns in schools and colleges? And how easily it is available for ANYONE to buy in a shop?

      There are hundreds of reasons to avoid abroad. If only people can get themselves to think.

      • USAPatriot
        September 1
        Reply

        I actually showed your post to a few american friends, and we all had a good laugh !! If you are so concerned why dont you go back ? Whats holding you here !! May I have the privilege of terming you a hypocrite ?

        I did not like India at all since I was young, and I always wanted to come to the US, waiting for the right opportunity.

        I got the right opportunity, and I got out of India within the next 25 days. And I have no regrets about leaving. So if you are having so many reasons, please do a favor, go back !!

        I really dont mean any disrespect to you but just hitting the facts straight to the head and directly !!

      • AS
        September 1
        Reply

        First off, I am very knowledgeable about the US judicial system, the electoral process, the Congress, Congressmen from my state, Senators from my state, the powers of the President, the immigration laws etc. etc. I know enough to make judgement calls on which system is working and which is not.

        Secondly, based on what you are saying, India is no different from the US. The gun issue in the US is as significant as corruption issue in India. The population issue and the inflation issue in India is about the same as racial issues in the US.

        So I have a simple question: Then why aren’t the majority of people not thinking of just staying in India? Do you realize that when people move to the US, they see their family for a few weeks a year? Why do Indians make such significant sacrifice only to stay in a foreign country where they are aliens for years? I can bet that only a fraction of people who come to the US return back to India on their own. Why is that the case?

        • padhs2k
          September 1
          Reply

          That was what I had written in my article Akshay. Some people want to stay back for money, some people stay back giving the reasons I have listed in my article. Since you the negatives in India, I mentioned a few of the negatives in USA. That doesn’t equate inflation issue to racial issue! Come on, you mean to tell me you see just positives in US and can find only negatives in India? Perhaps for you, the positives might overweigh the negatives in US, not to all. I am speaking about the rest here.

          • AS
            September 2

            I am not going to belabor my point any more than necessary, so this will be the last post from me.

            I call it the way I see it. I think the person is lying or incredibly stupid to give reasons like 9to9 job or traffic to live 8000 miles away from your parents and your loved ones for the rest of your life: To me, its too big a sacrifice to make for such meaningless reasons and the person has some serious priority issues. (BTW pollution is the only legitimate reason I see from your list because some people have major health issues).

            Let me remind you that when you are naturalized to be a US citizen, you take the oath of allegiance to the US and promise to renounce your allegiance to any other country. A true patriot will work in foreign countries, return back to India without applying for any form of permanent residency or citizenship. I know a lot of people who have done that and I have a lot of admiration and respect for them.

            “pseudo” patriots are people who apply for US green cards, have kids in the US to get them birth right citizenships, buy their first home in the US instead of India, pay taxes for years in the US and pay nada in India, put their kids through Cornell or Stanford instead of an IIT or IISc and eventually naturalize to be a US citizen and after all this, have the nerve to say “India is great country”. To all these people, I am going to call them hypocrites and call their bluff.

          • padhs2k
            September 5

            I agree with your definition of “pseudo” patriots. Such people, I will call them hypocrites as well.
            As for belaboring your point – I really don’t see what the point is that you are trying to make.

            My article simply states the excuses some people give to stay in abroad, while their heart may be in India. They make a big sacrifice, agreed but all for what, that was what I was trying to probe? Giving reasons to stay here but having your heart elsewhere is nuts. I know many people who have stated such reasons (the 9-9 or pollution for that matter), and so don’t think they are stupid reasons. And btw, every person is different. What’s stupid to you may not be so for others. You can’t make another person look at the world from your eyes.

            Since you said this was gonna be a last post, it was nice hearing from you! Have a nice day!

          • USAPatriot
            September 2

            @AS, as americans say “Ya the man !” . You are making some great points and as I always say the truth is unpalatable. And Indians are the worst when it comes to facing the truth, or simply accepting it.

            @AuthorOfThisBlog

            India is the most racist country ever actually. Kids get killed for inter caste marriages. If I may ask you without sounding cocky, will your parents readily allow you to marry someone from another community or caste ? Will they give you a free hand in that ? Or rather you like someone from a lower caste, will you be able to marry that person without significant drama at home ?

            I married someone from another community for the record, and my parents agreed to it without much fuss.

            The extent of racism that Indians follow against Indians, I dont think Americans do it to Indians…

            India is a functioning mess, thats it. Nothing more Nothing less. I am not proud of being an Indian, neither will I be proud when I become a citizen here. Its only about how am I as a human being that matters.

  27. Usapatriot
    August 29
    Reply

    @AS

    You hit the nail on the head. The real reasons are common man does not get anything there.

    All the other reasons I see here from others are puerile babble and white washing of the truth..

  28. Samik
    August 30
    Reply

    Appreciated the bold attempt to try and pin point a reason, when many people I know (who live abroad) would rather not think about it.
    I have never stayed abroad for long, though I have had chances to do so… on more than one occasion. About 4 years back, I opted for a long term role in US, though not w/o some apprehension. To be sure that this is what I want, I decided to go there for 3 months alone, (while my work permit gets processed), and then come back and take my family along. However, after spending 2 months there, I was convinced that the money you earn abroad (that’s supposed to be a key motivation, correct? Though I couldn’t see how people save a significant amount, unless they slum it out), is definitely not worth the alien feeling, the lack of confidence (that might be a personal trait, but abroad I don’t get the usual confidence which I have in India), and the general lack of social life, that staying in a foreign country entails.
    So I decided to back out from the role and move back to familiar territory (some might call it chickening out). Since then I have travelled abroad for weeks or even months, but never with the intention of staying there on a long term basis.
    The stangest of all is the fact that anyone who knows me, will think I am half american. No it has got nothing to do with my accent! I am a huge fan of blues and jazz music. I have obsessed with the political and cultural aspects of thethe 60’s 70’s counter culture. I am a foreign policy and international history buff. I have read everything there is to read on the cold war, and I know minute details of the lives of people like Nixon, LBJ, Carter, Regan, Bush, etc. I’m an expert on the US Constitution, and can recite landmark judgements of the US Supreme Court on issues like pro-choice vs. Pro-life or Gay Marriage from memory. I can debate on particular clauses of the patriot act, or the Iran nuclear deal for the that matter.
    And in spite of all these, I feel so overwhelmingly alien in a country like US. Every moment I get this feeling that I don’t belong here and feel that everyone around me is aware of it. Its a bit tough to explain that vulnerable feeling.
    Anyway, guess I am just rambling… Maybe it’s just a personal problem… Hoping that you guys are happy whether in US or back home… To each one his own…

    • padhs2k
      September 1
      Reply

      Samik, you have actually learnt yourself and made the bold decision which many could not. I applaud you for that. You didn’t chicken out by going back to India, believe me. I know many Indians who feel the same as you did, but still stay here, because they are scared to go to India. They are not confident they could compete with the work culture there, with intelligent brains all around them. They decide to stay here because they have got used to the comfort of not being questioned much anywhere, and mainly the ease of work.

      I think you are brave to have figured yourself out and make a decision on that. I only wish people here would do that. They want to be around familiar stuff too, most of them wouldn’t have an idea of what you say you know about US history (and other stuff). Mostly they stick to Indian people and form a little India around themselves, so as to not miss India. I think that is really sad. I feel most of them want to go back but they are chickening out. And btw, regarding the financial aspect, unless both husband and wife work in a good company, it’s very difficult to save anything abroad, esp after kids. Not many realize this. That’s actually why I have never even mentioned money in my article.

      And lastly..I am really glad you are having a nice time in India. 🙂

      • USAPatriot
        September 1
        Reply

        You are really making far too many assumptions, to quote you

        “They are not confident they could compete with the work culture there, with intelligent brains all around them.”

        By now I am pretty convinced you are either working for some Indian company, or some desi consulting company.

        So can I safely assume that India sends the incompetent here as H1Bs, because they are afraid to go back and compete ? your statement is very contradicting.

        For the record, I graduated out of one of the top ten engineering schools in India, and work at a Mega American MNC, that has won awards for being the innovator multiple times, and yes I worked with great brains in India, as well as now in the US.

        My wifey echoes the same sentiment too. So not sure where this thing about competing with smarter people back in India comes from.

        Maybe someone should start saying this in america to people like you, where you disrespect american culture.

        http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2907941/Moroccan-born-mayor-Rotterdam-tells-fellow-Muslims-not-appreciate-freedoms-living-West-pack-bags-f-live-TV.html

        • padhs2k
          September 1
          Reply

          So you can make any of your assumptions about me then. I wouldn’t care to explain my studies or my job to you, mainly because of your impression of Indians and India. And btw, I am actually wondering why you think the world revolves around you 🙂 Why do you take everything is meant to be for you? Do you think every single person on earth should feel the same as you? To you, US might be God. To me, it’s not. It will never be. And there are people like me living abroad. There are people like you living abroad as well. To each his own.

  29. Nanda
    August 30
    Reply

    Financial aspect was the main reason I chose to go to the U.S. Initial idea was to live there for 2-3 years, save money and go back. I ended up staying for 6 years and returned back to India a year ago. I thought I might go back for another stint for some more financial security, but after living here for a year I don’t want to go back now anymore (unless it’s a short term travel which I’m fine with). The move back initially took some adjustment but after that it was great. Spending time with family and friends, being there for your parents when they need you the most, attending all the family functions, birthdays, anniversaries you missed over the years is something I wouldn’t trade for anything.

    Going to the U.S. And living there for 6 years exposed me to a different work culture, way of living. I was able to travel to places I wouldn’t have visited otherwise, experienced cuisines I wouldn’t have tasted otherwise etc. But all said and done, I’ve had that experience and now i feel that my place is here with family and friends, and I don’t have any regrets with that choice. It’s a bit sad to see folks denigrate the country they were born in, just to justify their choice to live abroad. Each country has it’s own set of problems and we would all realize that if we remove the rose tinted glasses. If you’ve made a choice that’s fine, but there’s a way to express opinions respectfully instead of calling it “puerile babble”. There are selfish people everywhere in the world, not just in India. I also feel the worst aspect is where one partner is longing to go back, but the other partner isn’t willing. It’s a bit sad that such discussions don’t happen before getting married or opinions change over a period of time and one partner is left longing for home.

    • padhs2k
      September 1
      Reply

      I respect your thoughts Nanda. Travelling abroad to different countries, meeting different people definitely enriches one. They are exposed to all kinds of humans, who are experiencing similar pains and happiness though they speak a different tongue. And in that process of meeting different people, we also get to meet some types, who care a damn about other’s opinion or so full of themselves, that they can never think for a minute that the other person may have a point. I have learnt to ignore them, some people can be changed and some never want to change.

      As for the discussions that happen during marriage time, like you said, opinions change after a period of time. Man is a social animal, and it’s difficult for him or her to be away from their natural surroundings for a long time. I wish at some point, people give in to feelings and come back.

  30. USAPatriot
    September 1
    Reply

    I think maybe since I am explaining things in a very direct manner, I am coming across as too harsh. I just took a step back and realized that. My apologies. Will be toning it down !!

    • padhs2k
      September 1
      Reply

      No offense taken. It’s a big world, everyone has every right to live where they want to. My article is regarding people who actually miss India but stay elsewhere. Based on your comments, I don’t think you can relate to this.

  31. Anonymous
    September 3
    Reply

    Why the fuck you calling them excuses. The topic should have been “Why Indians love to stay in abroad”

    • USAPatriot
      September 3
      Reply

      @Mr. Anonymous

      May we have some civility please. Its a sensitive topic and I understand tensions run high, but cussing and swearing is completely taboo here.

      • padhs2k
        September 5
        Reply

        Thanks USAPatriot for trying to get some civility from people. I appreciate you stepping in!

    • padhs2k
      September 5
      Reply

      Hi Anonymous,
      IF you wanna use stinking words here, I request you to get off your high horse, away from my site to anywhere else you want.
      As for your question, I see it as an excuse and you see it as reason. Potato, potahto. Simple.

  32. Anonymous
    September 4
    Reply

    Why you lover her? (No one asks)
    Why you lover your mother? (No one asks)
    Why you love a country? (Why you guys are poking with this topic and foolishly call it a sensitive topic)
    Don’t you want to poke other’s personal opinion?

    • padhs2k
      September 5
      Reply

      Why you love her – everyone asks.
      Why you love your mother – there are thousands of poems and articles written on this.
      Why you love a country – per your words, no one should bother thinking about why they love a country? I am sure every one at some point would have had this conversation with someone else. Questions exist to make one think. No one can ask a person to not question!
      As for USAPatriot calling it a sensitive topic, I think he did that based on your comment. If you hadn’t cussed and had approached it differently perhaps you might have had another response from him.

  33. R
    September 11
    Reply

    I just read your article and also agree to it… my main excuse was my kid’s education … in fact we lived here for 6 years …enjoyed every bit of it and had to go back because of visa issues and so I also lived in India for a period of an year and sent my kid to school over there and now i am back to US . So as you said it was wonderful with family but I hated the very fact that I had no time and no free weekends …well and no privacy and to the very fact that my kid hated the school until the end of the school year. I felt that the value add that she had in US for 2 years of schooling was lost in one year over there and the outcome of her schooling was better handwriting and little bit hindi learning she literally forgot the smart ways of solving math and many more. I know we grew up there too but those days the choices were little and everyone learnt the same thing… today the competition is so high and confusion is so high to choose between CBSE, ICSE, IGCSE, IB , State board etc… well we still decided to go back after 2 years … but again I do not know how firm we are with our decision.

    • padhs2k
      September 14
      Reply

      I understand your dilemma. Many are facing this. I believe in our parent’s years, they must have had a similar dilemma, perhaps when they moved from a small town to a city or when they moved from one city to another. Now, it’s crossed borders, but the battles are still the same. It’s sometimes easy to make a decision when you set a priority. I only hope all the moving settles down before kids form strong friendships at school..wherever that is!

  34. USAPatriot
    September 15
    Reply

    Ok, the Green card part is actually not correct. I am not sure how many of the people in line for GC, who think they can go back to India, after getting their GC know this fact.

    According to US law, A GC holder is a permanent resident, the qualifier is “permanent”. After getting GC, if you are absent from the US for more than 6 months, there is a 80-20 chance that you will lose your GC.

    Immigration will ask you if you own a house in US, pay taxes here and where you work etc. If they come to know you are not paying taxes here, but work outside of the USA, that gives them enough firepower to revoke your GC. Basically you need to prove you have substantial assets here in the USA, including a hefty bank balance in an american account.

    So I think a lot of folks are ill informed, who think they can go back to India after getting their GC. If you want to go back, dont apply for it, and help other people who dont want to go back at all, and want to stay here.

  35. USAPatriot
    September 15
    Reply

    Here is some good reading from an immigration attorney.

    http://lawandborder.com/risk-abandoning-green-card-abroad-6-months/

    I really pity some ill informed people who think they can maintain their green card by simply going back to India once they get it. To be honest its the hallmark of the selfish indian attitude, where you are simply a “dog in the manger”. Green cards are scarce in number and hence the long wait, and here we have people who want a permanent resident card, but dont intend to be a permanent resident. So much for this attitude.

Yes, go on, tell me what you think!