Ever had strangers comment on your life, or poke their nose where it doesn’t belong? Always? Let’s high-five it!
So, if you are like Costanza in Seinfeld, you might need to have this list of comebacks handy, every time you go out of your house. Oh, and if I haven’t addressed any irritating question/comment you experienced recently, feel free to leave them in comments. Some one will get back to you shortly. With a witty response. Or a response. I think.
1. “So…when do you plan to have a kid (or second kid)? Do try to have one as soon as possible, ok? Remember, the biological clock is ticking! *wink*”
Best possible comeback – “OMG how right you are aunty! I will have sex with my husband every night! That should help right? Perhaps you have more tips on any specific positions? *wink* *wink*. No? Ok.”
Seriously, every time someone pops a question like this, it makes me wonder they have any idea they’re inquiring about someone else’s bedroom life. Get your own life, you bored people!
2. “You know what..I think..if could you lose a little more weight, then you would be just perfect!”
Best possible comeback – “Hey, you know what..I think you need glasses, and I, need a new friend.”
Something is wrong with our generation, they think skinniness is next to Godliness. I do wonder if our yesteryear heroines were criticized until they put on weight to feel good about themselves..hmm.
3.“Have you bought a house yet? Everybody is buying houses all around you! ZPersonYouLeastCareAbout had bought a house last year and its value is 1Cr now!! Do it fast, you can never go wrong!”
Best possible comeback – “Perhaps later, when I can afford to have stress in my life, I will think about it. And you. Thanks!”
Is it just me, or do all uncles seem interested in advising everyone they know, to buy property, and all aunties seem interested in advising everyone they know, to have babies? No? Just me then? Ah well.
4. “Look at your older sister! She listens to me every time and is such a nice girl. Why can’t you be more like her?“
Best possible comeback – “Ma, this is 2015 and human cloning isn’t in practice yet. You do remember giving birth to me and that am not my sister’s clone, right ma?”
Somehow, this seems to be the most frequent statement uttered by parents with 2 kids. And then they wonder why there exists sibling rivalry.
5. “My poor child..he is staying alone, comes home so late, cooks his own food, or (shudder) eats hotel food. I have to get him married soon and can then rest well, knowing he will have a nice home cooked meal everyday!”
Best possible comeback – “Wait I’m confused now, do you want a wife that your son can come home to, or a cook that he can come home to?”
Somehow, people think bachelor guys feel sorry about their life. They should really have a heart-to-heart talk with bachelors to know the truth. And many parents, mention “food” as a reason for getting their son married to a girl. Strange. Very strange.
6. “You have talked with 5 guys and have rejected every single marriage proposal we showed you on Shaadi.com. Why do you have such big expectations??”
Best possible comeback – “Yeah…I should have married the first person you showed me. I was able to figure out his full personality by staring at his instagrammed-full-teeth-showing profile photo for an hour. Perhaps we should just do Eeny,Meeny,Miny,Moe and pick one?”.
Why is that parents want their sons or daughters to say yes to a marriage proposal as soon as they start their bride/groom search? Why oh why?
7. “Why don’t you ever listen to me? You spend hours on the phone whatsapping or talking to your friends, but can’t talk to me for 10 minutes!”
Best possible comeback – “I love you.”
Ahhh, the magic words!
8. “You must be 30 now. Why are you still single?”
Best possible comeback – “They are doing research on me, and I will let you know once the results are out.”
Right. Everybody has to get married and have kids. That’s exactly why we were born.
9. “If you wear make up, men aren’t going to like that.” “Don’t laugh aloud like that, men aren’t going to like it!” “If you don’t watch cricket, men aren’t going to like it.”
Best possible comeback – “So I guess, I should have a woman’s body but swap brains with a man to think like a man. But wait, men won’t like that.”
I wonder who these men are. I haven’t met them yet, but I would really like to.
Interested in more comebacks? Leave an annoying question below and wait. Yes, wait……………………